As a pastor and coach, I often look to the many Upper Room experiences of the disciples, who encountered Jesus with the potential for transformation and empowerment. It is a loose paradigm for me to understand both what I experience and hope to facilitate for others; inviting others into spaces of experiential, reflective, and transformative learning and the infilling of the Spirit for supernatural empowerment.
The example of Jesus, which He displayed in the Upper Room with the Disciples, stands out as perhaps the most dynamic portrait of disciple-making and mentoring in all of Scripture. This passage is on my Mount Rushmore of literature and I am an avid student of John’s New Testament writings. I don’t think I could possibly make a comprehensive list in this post, but here are a few (albeit incomplete) thoughts on the passage that highlight some characteristics of mentoring, coaching, and discipleship.
He modeled a clear demonstration of His transformative agenda for each of the disciples. Jesus intended to make servants out of men. When no one else assumed the missing role of the customary, middle eastern servant, He moved into the role without hesitation and Lord of all became the servant of all and modeled the very heart of what He planned to create in each of one of them:
If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. John 13.14–15 ESV
He also kept the transformative goal of their mentor-protégé relationship before them. Mentors identify and keep the goals of the relationship before their protégés. Verse 16 reflects the sentiments of similar passages in Matthew and Luke regarding the teacher-student relationship. Here He uses servant-master and messenger-sender, but He keeps the relationship central:
Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them. John 13.16–17 ESV
It stretches them from being learners to become the “sent ones” or “Apostolos.”
He confronted their erroneous assumptions with direct communication. Luke wrote that during this time, the disciples entertained ambitions and expectations of position and authority. Certainly verses 14-15 dismantle that false image being conjured in their minds. Likewise, when Peter initially refuses the foot-washing and then goes to another extreme in his response (I’m still pondering that one), Jesus very directly addressed his disciple’s misunderstanding of the moment and the lesson. Mentoring, disciple-making, personal coaching; all require direct communication. Assuming someone understands or leaving things unsaid can also leave goals unclear, perspectives clouded, and objectives fuzzy.
He ended a relationship with someone, who could not commit to the complete training. The exchange between Jesus and Judas wrenches me. This must be one of the hardest decisions any mentor could make and, in this case, it released someone unwilling to experience transformation to a far more ominous future. Nevertheless, not everyone is “mentor-able” or “coachable.” A good coaching relationship needs an agreed-upon set of expectations between the coach and protégé. Judas betrayed Christ, but he also abandoned what only Christ could accomplish in his life. The disciples would learn to serve and launch the Great Commission. Judas’ betrayal forfeited his opportunity to share in that legacy; however, Jesus initiated the dismissal.
He bore the residue of their utter humanness. Jesus washed the feet of each disciple (even Judas). Every time the wet fabric of the towel wiped away the dirt of a man’s feet it bore and carried away the residue of that man’s journey. Coaching and mentoring is no different. It’s human interaction with the goal of growth, change, and transformation and mentors always brush against the humanness of their protégés. Active listening is also a great characteristic of a relationship. We hear them; their nobility and their lack of it. We hear their hearts, full of godly ambition and vision. We also hear their weak rationales, their limited views, their erroneous assumptions, and even their white lies for why they didn’t get that chapter read before the appointment. (I know my mentors and coaches heard all of that and more from me, at least).
I think Jesus not only illustrates the Suffering Servant, who carries away the sin of the world, but He demonstrates what it means to be a servant-leader, a mentor, a pastor, a disciple-maker. Our work happens within the humanity of people; full of silver AND dross. The residue gets on us and we need to appropriate it with maturity, grace, and truth. It takes a patient and mature person, a safe person, to invite others into transformative Upper Rooms.
Coaching Questions
- What do you find essential in preparing Upper Room environments or experiences as a coach or mentor? What does it require of you relationally? What does it require of your protegé?
- What shifts do you see needing to occur your protegés that turn them from learners into missional or purposeful individuals?
- What are signs of someone becoming un-coachable or un-menntor-able? What are some approaches that help you redirect and refocus?
- How do you handle some of the human residue that you experience in coaching or when meeting with protegés.